Monday, March 7, 2016

Sometimes I Can't



Everywhere you go they are there. It’s something that can’t be avoided after you lose a child. The pregnant woman, the woman with a newborn, the woman with a baby that looks to be about the age that your baby should be, the woman with the little girl dancing around happily(something my baby will never experience). And yes, while I do feel that I have gone through this journey with grace thus far sometimes I’m still human and here’s the honest truth sometimes I can’t…
Sometimes I can’t be happy for that glowing pregnant Momma.
Sometimes I can’t be happy when a family posts about the birth of their new baby.
Sometimes I can’t be happy seeing pictures of a new family of four.
Sometimes I can’t be happy seeing a Momma carrying a car seat with pink blankets surrounding it.
Sometimes I can’t be happy seeing a Momma or Daddy snuggled up with their 2 month old baby who is their whole world.
Sometimes I can’t like that photo on Facebook or say “Congratulations”. Sometimes I even hide it from my news feed so I don’t have to see it and be reminded of what we are missing.
Sometimes those baby pictures on Instagram just make my heart ache and ask “why me?”.
Don’t misunderstand. I am glad you are holding your baby because I would never wish things like infertility or the loss of a child on anyone. And please know that deep down I really am happy that you are happy! Don’t stop sharing those pictures of the children you love! I probably have been and someday may again be the woman with the baby who is causing someone else’s heart to hurt. It is in those “why me?” moments and those “Sometimes I can’t” moments that I have to stop and regroup.  To thank God for the many blessings I have in my life. Health, a happy marriage, a crazy rambunctious toddler, a beautiful home, food on the table, family and friends and so much more. It’s then that I ask God to help me to continue walking this journey with grace and that I’ll let Him use me(us) in some way to help others because of this.

3 comments:

  1. Bless you as you keep moving, keep making the choice of letting life blossom, even in those times of pain and "I can't." Sarah

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  2. I completely understand. I have had those exact moments.

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