I know that everyone is wondering the results of Abby's MRI that was scheduled for today. We expressed yesterday that we didn't at all expect it at all to change the current prognosis for Abby and as expected it did not. The MRI was able to show the extent of the damage to Abby's brain. With the exception of a few areas the majority of Abby's brain was severely damaged.
Abby has been very quiet and peaceful today. I was able to hold her not once but twice and Mike got to hold her once as well. It is horrible to feel so helpless knowing there is nothing we can do to "fix" our precious little baby. For now we just weep over her and love on her as much as we can. Right now I feel like I can't cry anymore I'm just emotionally exhausted. But I know that come tomorrow(probably sooner) the tears will be flowing again. We are just clinging to each other and God as we walk down this scary path together.
The Dr said today that we were handling everything so well and he didn't know where we were getting our strength from and all I could say is "from God". I'm positive that all the many many prayers be said for us all hours of the day are helping to sustain us daily.
We continue to be grateful for everyone reaching out to us offering to help us with whatever we need. I apologize if I haven't gotten back to each of you but know that your offers are appreciated! Please continue to pray for us as I'm sure you can imagine it's very difficult to watch Abby slip away from us. The hurt and pain is great.
I just want to share with you all the lyrics of a hymn that we were given today.
He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.
When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.
Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.
His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.
Annie J. Flint
I just wanted to add that the Doctors said it was nothing we did or didn't do. As much as we would like to know why there are no answers. When babies are born under the condition that Abby was born any number of organs can be damaged. Sometimes the baby fully recovers. Some babies may not have the brain damage that our poor Abby experienced but their kidneys or heart may have failed. The medical field has not yet discovered every mystery of our complex bodies and they still do not know why this happens or why one or more organs survive and others suffer. The medical staff at Chambersburg and York did everything they could. When the Neurologists examined her they were very careful and checked for any sign of hope. I remember when the first Dr (I'll withhold any names of the medical staff) examined her I could see the worry on his face and in his eyes. I think my heart broke at that moment. He wasn't making a scene or being dramatic, there was just genuine concern on his face. At that time there was still hope but we were thinking mental or physical disabilities. We were faced with extremely hard choices today. Choices that I had hoped I would never have to make regarding my child. We have a hard road before us and we need prayers and support. Everyone here has told us that we are strong and every Dr and nurse that has spoke to us has been impressed with how we and handling this and how much we put Abby and Levi before ourselves. A very dear Dr. cried as he told me I spoke very eloquently for our daughter. As Melissa said our strength comes from God. I am not a super Christian. I think I fail daily as a Father and a Christian but I always try to get back on the path. I love both of my children and I feel a part of me will never heal from this. I can not understand how some "parents" can treat their children the way they do and one of mine never was able to experience joy etc. I know we have enough love in our hearts for more than two children and I hope we are blessed again at some point in our lives.
Leaning on Jesus,
Mike and Melissa
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