Abigail (Abby) Rose - January 28, 2016 Our Baby Is In Heaven
The last couple days have been difficult. We could tell that Abby's breathing patterns were changing. We've said it before but the last few nights when we went to bed we thought it was our last night with Abby and then the next morning we'd wake and she'd still be with us. I didn't sleep the best last night so I stayed in bed extra late this morning and once I was up I kept busy. After lunch I finally settled in on the couch with Abby. It was then that I really noticed her breathing had changed again. She was taking fewer breaths and there were longer pauses in between the breaths. It was then that tears started. I think my Mama heart knew that this was finally going to be the end. Eventually I ended up in our bedroom just holding Abby(which I've been doing non-stop the last few days) soon after Levi followed me and we just sat on the bed watching a movie. Mike had gone back to work yesterday so I was keeping him updated via text message. He called to tell me the hospice nurse was on the way. More tears came and I finally said maybe he should come home as well. The nurse said that her heart was slower today than yesterday, I cried though the visit which I normally didn't do and then I headed back upstairs to the bedroom for a couple more hours. Supper was delivered and I finally felt brave enough to come out of hiding for a little while. I held Abby while I ate and while I was finishing up Mike headed upstairs to start gathering laundry. It was then that I noticed Abby's breathing was extremely slow. I hurried upstairs to be with Mike and together we held our precious little baby girl as she took her final breath. I cried, we picked out clothes to change her into, we cried together and then I held her, Mike's Mom held her, my Mom and Dad held her and then she came back to my arms until the funeral home arrived to take her body. I was so worried about that part. Worried about letting her go. But I managed to handle it calmly. Mike carried her out to the vehicle and I went with him. We kissed her good bye once more and then she was gone. It still all feels a little surreal. Like did the last two weeks really happen to us?! I'm not sure what to feel right now. There is a lot of relief that my baby is with Jesus now. Her poor little body was so hard to look at. Now she's in a place so beautiful we can't begin to imagine and she'll never experience the trials of life here on this earth. We will miss her so badly but I am thankful for the past two weeks were I was able to love and cuddle her even though it was for such a short time. I will love my baby girl forever and will always carry her in my heart.
I can't really add anything to what Melissa stated above. I am happy that we were both able to be with Abby when she passed. Our goal was to not let her go alone but we were not sure if we both would be there or not. I didn't show it on the outside but it crushed my heart and soul to walk my baby girl out to the SUV. I am thankful for every time I was able to tell her how much Daddy loved her and for every kiss I gave her. I never dreamed when Melissa woke me up the morning of the 13th to tell me she was in labor that this is what I was going to experience. I was so excited about being able to met my daughter. I feel like a part of me died that day.
There will be a service to honor Abby on Saturday at our home church. We will post details for that tomorrow.