Monday, February 1, 2016

Abigail (Abby) Rose - January 23, 2016 Update

Not much has changed but we wanted to give everyone a quick update. Today was rough. I think the stress, heartache, and weariness really took a toll on us. It was hard for me not to feel bitter towards God and not to snap at Melissa and Levi. It took some time but I finally let it go. Feeling bitter only makes you hurt the ones you love and then you feel guilty. Abby is laboring more with each breath and we feel it will not be long. She is peaceful and we are thankful for that. We love her so much. It does not matter how little time we were blessed with. I tell her all the time that Daddy loves her and he will never forget her. I mean those words. I doubt a day will go by the rest of my life without a thought about my little Abby. I thank God for blessing me with my family.

Lack of visitors coming and going gives you more time to think about what you are going through. These last two days I found myself going through the motions. Caring for Abby can be hard for me sometimes. I try to quickly change her diaper and clothes because seeing her frail little body tears me apart. Sometimes it's hard to hold her but I long to hold her at the same time. A friend I was sharing things with today said "it's probably hard not to feel guilty about not cherishing every moment Abby is with me" and what she said was very true. As much as I long for Abby to be completely at peace I am thankful for the time I've had to hold her close, give her kisses and tell her how much I love her. It is a honor and a privilege to be her Mama! So many songs get stuck in my head these days and today it was these lyrics I found myself clinging too...

"God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His Heart"


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