It seems surreal to think back six weeks ago when we were excitedly expecting to meet you at the hospital. I have been thinking about the highlights of expecting you. I remember when we first made it public that we were having another baby and how January seemed like a long way off. I remember hearing your heartbeat for the first time. It seems like yesterday when I was looking up at the monitor watching you wiggle and I was told you were a girl and I was going to have a daughter. I was so excited and Mommy and I began suggesting names for you. Mommy wanted to name you Abby and I compromised with Abigail. The stories of King David are my favorite in the Bible and Abigail was the name of a kind and wise woman who stopped David from a terrible mistake. She later married David. I thought the name was perfect for you.
Friends gave us so many clothes and outfits that we didn't need to do much shopping for you. I enjoyed going to the outlets in Hagerstown with Mommy and picking out some clothes for you. We wanted to pick the outfit that you would wear when we brought you home from the hospital. As the time got closer to your due date we got your nursery ready and installed the car seat in the van.
The labor started early Wednesday morning on the 13th of January. Again I was so excited when Mommy woke me up and we got ready to go. I had no idea how your birth was going to unfold. I was so worried about you and Mommy while I waited. I saw them rush you out of the operating room with a crowd of people around you. I was nervous when I was finally able to see you. I hate to admit it but I was afraid to grow attached to you in case I was to lose you. It was silly looking back on it. I was already very attached to you.
My first thought when I looked at you was how beautiful and perfect you looked. It wasn't long before you were being flown to York and as much as I didn't want to leave your Mommy I couldn't wait to follow you and be with you. We had so much hope that you would be OK and would enjoy a life with us. I have no words to explain how I felt when we learned that you would not be with us long.
I am thankful for being able to hold you and tell you how much I loved you and how beautiful you were. I told you I would never forget you. The silence of some people I cross paths with hurts me at times. Just because you are gone doesn't mean I don't think about you every day. Why would pretending like you didn't exist make me feel better? Someone told me they were sorry they brought you up. I told them you were my daughter and like anyone else I enjoyed talking and sharing about my daughter.
I look forward to seeing you again in the next life after this one. I don't think I will ever understand why you were not able to stay here with us. As heartbreaking as the experience was I don't ever wish you didn't happen. Family, friends, doctors, nurses, and other were so kind and helpful I feel overwhelmed trying to say thank you. Everyone who met you loved you Abby. We have a few of your things that are very precious to us. I love you Abby and I will never forget you.