Dear Abby,
Today is six weeks since you came into our lives. Tomorrow is a month since you left us. Some people ask me how I am or how we are doing. Other people don't say anything at all. I realize it's a difficult subject for most people to bring up. Maybe they think it will make us sad or even cry. Maybe they think that it will remind us that we lost you - when the truth is we will never forget and the silence hurts more than the mention of your name. It's OK though. I truly understand that bringing up the loss of someone's child is uncomfortable for many. Looking back at a time before you I would have been the same way.
I want to write to you even though you aren't here to read it. To just say how much I(and Daddy too) miss you. When I think about how much I miss you then the tears start welling up in my eyes and eventually spill down my cheeks. I love looking at pictures of you but it also makes me cry at the same time. Knowing that when some of them were taken we had so much hope. And when others were taken we were hurting so badly - especially during those last couple days of your life.
I washed all the clothes and blankets that you used. Except your one sleeper - the one you were wearing when you passed away. I was hoping I would still be able to smell you but your scent has already faded away. It will always be an outfit that I treasure forever along with the quilt that Grammy made you, the headband that you wore at the NICU, a photo card that the NICU made for us, your lovie and of course every single picture that we have of you!
I'll always remember how all the Doctors (and nurses) at the NICU were so caring and took great care of you. I've emailed the one Doctor a couple time and he wants us to stay in touch - he said "your family has touched me and you will always be remembered". It really meant a lot. Another Doctor even called while you were still alive to see how we were doing and ask if I had any questions. Then yesterday we got a letter from him and it was nice to know even a month later we haven't been forgotten!
Your life was so short but you touched many hearts and so many people will never forget you. Most especially your family! We will never forget that dark head of hair, your sweet little face and those adorable little lips! You were a true beauty! How we still wish we could have held you just a little longer and been able to watch you grow. We are comforted in knowing that you are safe with Jesus and that we will someday join you in heaven. One of our friends little boy's prayed one evening and asked for your Daddy and I to have another baby that's a girl and that she wouldn't be sick. Maybe Jesus will let you pick out a sweet little sister to send to us someday soon (though a little brother would be welcomed too). XOXO
I will always love you my beautiful little Abby Rose! And will forever carry you in my heart! <3
Love, Mommy
I too, wrote my babies a letter. A memory letter of sorts. It helped me to feel better, like, now it's in writing, so it will be easier to remember it all. Even the heartbreaking parts, because it was a part of their tiny life. My babies never made it to birth, but they're all treasured, albeit painful, parts of Rusty and I's marriage. Each one brought such hope, wonder, and joy. Each loss drew us that much closer and stronger in each other and in the mighty workings of God's perfect will and way. Hugs to you. I was thinking of you today. Thank you for letting me read Abbys letter.
ReplyDeleteBless you. I never even knew Abby and don't know you, but I cry every time I see pictures of her or read your posts. It's a mom connection. (We have 5, with #6 on the way.) I agree that people who are silent just don't know what to say. I do know that with my own close friends who have lost children at various ages, it helps me to know what to say if they're willing to bring up the subject. I know if they are talking about their baby, that it's okay for me to also. Sarah Sauder
ReplyDeleteI read this with tears. She is absolutely beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteOnce again a very beautiful and touching letter to such a beautiful baby. You, Mike and Levi are in my thoughts so often and in my heart always. I don't think we will ever forget Abby and all the people she has touched. Her life was short but the memory will be forever. Hugs and love to all of you.
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